Hello, I’m Kandi an adoptee I’m 49 years old I have two beautiful Children.
Being adopted is simply not something that can be erased—it’s always with us. This is usually not a bad thing, it’s just a fact. At one time or another we were “given up,” even if it was for our own good. This in part, makes it more of a challenge—depending on the circumstances of our adoption process—to allow ourselves to get too close, to trust, and to even see ourselves as part of a new family no matter how much that family may want us. And, the bigger and closer the family, the greater potential for discomfort there is.
I’ve talked and met adoptees that had difficulty joining social groups or organizations because of the degree of closeness and involvement they required. Simply put, a conflict may be internalized: we want to be wanted, and yet we’re often afraid to be too close. Being put up for adoption once is enough; to risk it again is often perceived as exponentially more excruciating—so we’re cautious.
Some people who try to get close to us take our distance as rude or rejecting, but it’s usually the anxiety about taking another chance that’s often the culprit; that and for many, the strangeness of treading in unfamiliar territory ( joining a large loving family). Fact is, most adult adoptees I’ve met are quite loyal, and try even harder to make relationships work. They’re a good bet for a long-lasting relationship and can learn to enjoy the re-adoption process. They just have to take a risk.
You don’t have to be friends with the same people you knew from high school. You don’t have to keep the naysayers, haters, and frenemies in your contacts just because you’ve known them for so long. It’s time for some new friends. People that inspire you.
“Embrace your story and the imperfections in your life. Be clear in the knowledge that without them, you would not be who you are today.”
Quit of life
“Weaving together the very fabric of what it means to be adopted.”
Doesn’t this pertain to just about anything that’s worthwhile achieving?
We adoptees are all in this together.
“We are on the same team”